this image has been my computer background for the last 4mths. every time i see it, i smile. how could i not? the two of them were
playing with the photobooth application while i was at yoga one night. i came home to a bunch of awesome, mostly goofy images.
i love them so much. my heart is going to explode when turtle arrives, i’m sure of it.
we started off the day as a family at the soup kitchen like we do every thanksgiving. i was worried going there because all the regulars
we’ve had over the years have always confused me with ali. (well crap, even my own mother still accidentally calls me ali.) i didn’t want to
have to tell anyone, because i’ve still only had to speak “the words” to one person in the last 3 weeks, and it didn’t go so well. thankfully
everyone i know, already knows, or is warned before my family gets to a place. we had a good time and the morning was enjoyable.
i pretty much just socialized like ali and i always do anymore because we let the newcomers enjoy the fun jobs. plus my swollen,
waddling, 38.5wk prego butt really didn’t feel like doing any work anyway. 🙂 as the day went on, my tears fell on and off. to be perfectly
honest though, it wasn’t nearly as dreadful as i thought it’d be. partly because over the last few months we were gently eased into not
having ali at every family function. she was often in the hospital or just too sick to leave home. as we gathered in circle for dinner prayers,
i just told myself that ali was just somewhere else tonight. no big deal. healthy? not likely. what else are we supposed to do? when i allow
myself to think otherwise i break down. for hours. and in the last two weeks, what happens next? i start into regular contractions.
timeable for hours, with pain. the dr. told me that with the tragedy i’ve faced, this is going to happen daily til turtle is ready to come for
real. so unless i can try and not cry all day, i have to deal with laboring and it leading to nothing. it’s not a huge deal, because it’s
preparing me for my VBAC, but it is exhausting. hopefully he comes soon, we are ready. but i have to keep reminding myself how much of
a baby hog ali is though, so i’m not surprised she wont let him go. selfish!! hand him over sis!
i could sit here and list a billion things i’m grateful for. but really, today i’m really just thankful for LIFE. plain and simple.
hope you enjoyed your holiday.
heart, melanie.
